Motormouth: Hungry ghosts are less scary than nasty drivers

Hungry ghosts are less scary than nasty drivers.

Hungry Ghost Festival is when the underworld gates of hell open once a year for 28 unlucky days, but nasty drivers keep those hellish gates open every day on the road.

As bad luck would have it, I encounter these unpleasant motorists all the time whenever I’m behind the wheel.

That said, I much prefer to bump into mean-spirited drivers instead of actual evil spirits which go bump in the night. If the latter ever try to disturb me, I would pray under my breath to any benevolent god willing to listen and assist. 

But who/what could help me in traffic situations made extra risky or downright crazy by the worst drivers?

I divide them into two groups - those who are dangerous because they’re clueless, and those who are dangerous because they’re reckless. 

For me at least, the first group is more forgivable than the second group, because most rookies do not know/practise defensive driving techniques. 

After all, he/she is still learning the ropes and improving himself/herself progressively while accumulating the necessary mileage. Everybody, even an eventual expert in driving skill or whatever automotive subject matter, starts as a road rookie. 

Examples of clueless drivers who are accidentally dangerous include the otherwise careful new driver in his/her first year of driving, and the senior citizen too oblivious to other road users. 

I don’t blame these people for scaring me sometimes with their unsafe driving, as long as I’m able to take evasive action or avoid them altogether. No heart-stopping moments, no hard feelings.

My anger, stupidly supercharged, is reserved for drivers who are dangerously reckless. 

These vehicular jokers are powered by an infernal combustion engine that runs on torquey idiocy and high-octane inconsideration. 

They might be competent everyday drivers with plenty of driving experience and zero or low demerit points on their licence. 

They might be family men who love their spouse and children. They might be likeable individuals who get along with their relatives and treat friends with respect. They might be courteous colleagues in the workplace. 

They might be a local combination of all the personas in the paragraph above. 

Furthermore, they might be kind and gentle… until they hit the road, then they become uncharacteristically unkind and just a little mental. 

Their driving etiquette is terrible. They never show any road courtesy, seldom signal, often sound the horn, refuse to give way, and tailgate by habit. They push slower drivers and rush irritatingly during rush hour. They park like jerks, too. 

They also try to cut pedestrians off at zebra crossings and signalised traffic junctions, where “green man” flashing is viewed as dead man walking.

Fortunately, I don’t see dead people hanging out during Seventh Month. Unfortunately, I see brain-dead people who drive badly every single month, week and day.

Indeed, nasty drivers are scarier than hungry ghosts. 

This chauffeur is hungry but not nasty, and he has a burning desire to drive a Rolls-Royce Ghost instead.